Making Memories... Making a Snowman

As a child, one of the few things I remember doing with my Dad involved included playing in the snow. Rather it be sledding, or building a snowman, he was the one who was with me while Mom was inside keeping warm, making us hot chocolate, or possibly even at work. I remember these times fondly, and because they were some of the few fun memories I have with him as a child, seeing Nora get to do the same with her Daddy is pretty darn special. Today, the two of them made their first snowman together (well, mostly Ryan made it after Nora insisted that he go out with her). They had a great time, and after last night's Jayhawk win Ryan couldn't resist adding a little special touch to our friend, Hawk

Greed

The decision to move has played heavily in our minds over the past year. Many things have kept us from doing so. Our choice in where to send Nora to school, having awesome neighbors, liking but not loving the current home we live in, etc.
The problem with this whole situation is that when I look at new homes, I am overcome with how greedy I have become. It is a big, huge slap in the face. It makes me realize that rather I want to or not, I live with the mentality that the "grass is always greener on the other side" and quite honestly, I don't like living this way. We have lived in our current home for 3.5 years. When I moved into this home, I thought it was BEAUTIFUL, huge and everything we would ever need. At the time I thought if we needed more space, we could always finish the basement, and we have yet to do this. But, for whatever reason, I am addicted to looking at real estate and seriously contemplating buying bigger, better, nicer homes. Tonight I caught myself looking at a house twice the price of our current  home (which in the grand scheme of things is not cheap) talking to Ryan and saying, "I only want to buy that house if the yard was big enough for a pool, and I would definitely want to send Nora to private school". The problem here? The neighborhood already has a pool AND we belong to a gym that has an awesome pool we go to on a regular basis each summer. The other problem? We live in the best school district in the state of Kansas! Ugh. Yuck. Why do I have to be this way?!? Where did the girl that grew up on Steuben street go? I'm not sure. But what I do know, is that I hope if nothing else I can remember the simple life I once lived, and NEVER, EVER let my children become spoiled children. Maybe I can stop the "grass is always greener" mentality with myself. Afterall, the grass for the Miller's IS indeed pretty darn green!

I'm Gonna Count to Ten

This morning was a rough morning at the Miller's. Reese was up in the night due to cough symptoms, Nora was in a bad mood and would not get ready for school despite numerous attempts at trying to get her to do so, and I had attempted to do Reese's hair five times before we even made it in the car.  On top of all of this, my stress level is once again elevated due to my Mom being hospitalized once again =0( Like I usually do, once I had the OOC children in the car, I started talking to them about how I did not like their behavior this morning and that it was not acceptable. Nora was not liking what I was saying and in response, said to me, "Mama, I'm gonna count to 10 and then you need to change your behavior". WOW. Eat my own words. She was right. I was acting nasty, I was taking advantage of my children to vent my anger. I was just plain acting wrong. Unfortunately, even though I don't mean to, my kiddos, especially Nora, tend to get the brunt of my nasty actions. It's unintentional and I feel awful that it ends up this way, but it is something I am working on. I need to be reminded daily that they are blessings, that this time is just a stage and that despite it feeling like it is tough, life regardless of how inconvenient, rough, sad, unexplainable, etc. it may be is indeed a GIFT. A gift that has a limited number of days before ending! So, thanks Nora for the reality check. You are right, I DO need to change my behavior... and thanks for giving me the extra five seconds to do so (I count to five before they get a consequence for their bad behavior)!

The "Best Sunday Ever"!

Nora has been begging to go to Chuck E Cheese for quite some time. We made a reward chart to go along with it and after several days she finally earned her trip. We had not been there before and the last time I went it was in Topeka, and it was DISGUSTING. Much to my surprise, the one here is much nicer and upon our arrival, Nora let us know that it was "the best Sunday ever". Glad something so small can make a girl so happy! I guess we will be going back soon.

Our Saving Grace

As we all know, life brings people into our lives. Some of them end up being sour, others end up being our saving grace. So is the case with this lady, "Miss Maria".

Miss Maria came into our home last spring. Her arrival became necessary when Reese was not producing speech in a timely manner, or at all for that matter. She came via infant toddler services and although we had a rough start with sicknesses for both my family and hers, I can officially say now, that I feel like she might be one of my favorite people and if Reese could talk well enough, she would probably say the same. Miss Maria has worked wonders on my sweet Reese. In the beginning, we had little to no speech coming from Reese. We started therapy increasing the use of signs and heading down the path of thinking it may be years before actual words were produced. Quickly, Reese proved us wrong and began attempting words. Although they were few and far between and took lots of repitition to stick, slowly but surely she built up her vocabulary. Now, we are not only saying words, knowing what everything is, and talking about them, but saying two words combined unprompted and at times three words combined with help. There are few things in life that bring me such a feeling of relief as knowing my baby is making progress speaking and that we are indeed making steps ahead. Thanks, Miss Maria. We are SOOO grateful to have you!!

Happy Valentines Day to my Sweet Girls. A Love Letter from Mama.

Dear Sweet Nora and Reese,
YOU are the two best things that could have ever happened to me. You have made me love in ways I never thought possible and brought out the best (and sometimes the worst) in me. I love you more than you will ever understand. I love your sillyness and the way you love each other. The way you are the best big and little sister any girl could ask for, and the best kiddos a Mama could have. You are compassionate, loving and always, always wanting what is best for the ones you love. You drive me crazy and make me laugh all in the same day. You bring me down to a level I need to be. Being silly with you makes me happy. Rather I am singing the peanut butter and jelly song, reading books or chasing you down in the shower to wash the soap out of your hair, when you are around, life is fun. Always, always remember, "I'll love you forever, I'll like for always, as long as Im living my baby you'll be" Happy Valentines Day to my two true loves! Love, Mama

Midnight. Thats When I Go to Bed!

The other night we had the time of our lives playing cards, and just hanging out with awesome people. Meanwhile our children were sleeping upstairs. Or so we thought. Instead, Nora was upstairs playing "mommy and baby" in the closet with her friend. Upon doing a check at midnight, I found them. Needless to say, the next day was a bit tiresome, but in her opinion, so worth the fun. Ah, to be a kid again!

Life.. One big tangled web

Life seems to be getting the best of me lately, and to be honest, I don't even realize the craziness of it until I get a wierd look, a "say what", or a wierd vibe sent my way. The other day, I was watching a presentation on parenting and a picture of children acting all sorts of innappropriate followed a picture of what parents view the picture perfect life with children would be like. The funny thing is that all the picture perfect pictures were of little tiny infants.. Ya know, before they could talk. Before they could walk, climb, or have much of any say in their lives... Before disabilities developed. Before everybody had all sorts of obligations and places to go and lives of their own.
Life is SO busy for me, I honestly can't say that I have the time to stop, think and soak it all in all that often. I just go from one task to the next praying I don't forget pajama day at school, what I am supposed to bring to the next playdate, or when I said I was going to go wherever with my friends. Thankfully my friends know this about me, so they are really kind about providing me with all sorts of reminders of where they want me to be when =0)  I also forget things like the fact that three days a week, one of my children is involved in services for kids with special needs, or that I am becoming friends with children of special needs not because I work for an agency that serves people with special needs, but because MY CHILD IS ONE. I also forget that my Mom is inevitably going to die from cancer. Not today, but sooner than I had ever wished for her to move on to heaven prior to this nasty cancer diagnosis. Folks, this might be a bit crazy, but I REALLY do forget these things, because I am BUSY. Prior to having two active children, I had no idea what busy was like. I could say I was going to accomplish something and it would get done. I would say I was going to be somewhere, and I was there. I just THOUGHT my house was dirty, cluttered, overflowing with laundry, etc. Now it IS and no matter how hard I try to keep up, it just doesn't happen, because I am BUSY. I  could plan something months in advance and have it completed and ready to go months in advance. Believe it or not, less than two years ago, I had my daughter's halloween costume handmade by me ready to go in AUGUST. I also had handmade outfits for every.single.holiday made for both children. This year, they were store bought KU cheerleaders for Halloween and they have not had a handmade clothing item since last Easter. Life has changed. My expectations and hopes for what I would get to do and act like as a mother have morphed. We are SURVIVING. I am realizing how life REALLY is. Someday, I hope the craziness we are experiencing at this time slows down, bur for now we are going to make the best of it, even if it isn't picture perfect!

Two Little Words...

Thats right... Two little words made my day today. Not because of what they were, but because they were TWO words put together, unprompted, completely independent and used in appropriate context. Way to go, Reese! Your Mama is PROUD. Oh yeah, what were the two words? Thanks, Mama. She melts my heart.