I have a confession to make: I have been a less than patient, not so pleasant to be around Mama lately. This whole having a toddler and a preschooler at the same time on top of having our life in dissaray in general has been wearing on my last nerve. Unfortunately my innocent little princess, Nora, took the brunt. I did things that I said in my mind I would never do. I spanked my child, I yelled at her, I blamed her for her sister acting the way she was. I was tired, I was worn thin and I was desperate to go back to the days when "she was the sweet innocent baby that I once had". What I didn't realize at the time was that she wasnt being the "sweet, innocent baby" anymore because I had been dragging her ragged. I had been paying very little attention to her. I had let life get in between me and her, and intentionally or not, she had taken the back burner. As a result of this she had started acting foolishly in an attempt to get attention. Any attention. Negative or not, she wanted some. Unfortunately she got all the negative attention she could ask for and drove me crazy at the same time!
Thankfully,though, I have a forgiving God who will give me second chances, who will give me a child who loves me unconditionally, no matter what, and that I am given another day to make amends to all that I have done wrong. More than anything I am thankful that my child still has an innocence about her and is able to forgive me.
Unfortunately, I know that not everyday is going to be easy. Life IS busy. It is filled with places to go, people to see and things to do. The laundry will ALWAYS need done, the dishes will always need washed, somebody will always be hungry and the floors will always be dirty! What has happened in the past cannot always be changed. I will remain a mother of two very young children for quite some time. Although I am very thankful for this, I need to remind myself that life does not have to be a race filled with one commitment after another. I do not have to come running into every event looking like I just ran a marathon. Being a good mother does not mean that I have to take my kids to do EVERYTHING. When life gets hairy and I feel "out of control" I really do need to take a moment and think about what is important, what is necessary, and what can be eliminated. Afterall, when this world comes to an end will it have mattered how many playdates my children went to, rather or not they made it to storytime EVERY week, or if they were excellent swimmers? Probably not.
What WILL matter is rather or not I "treated others the way I wanted to be treated"... and honestly, if this is truly what matters, I think we all have some work to do! I think I'll get started on mine!
