Monday, June 10, 2013

No Good, Terrible, Horribly Awful Day

Yesterday might quite honestly be my worst parenting day ever. I was tired, my expectations of my children were high, and there was a lot that needed to be done. I had no patience. I know better than to act the way I did, but yet I still acted that way. As I sat in Nora's bedroom an hour earlier than her bedtime putting her to bed because I could take no more and telling her that "she needed to talk to God about how she acted today" it hit me. It wasn't her that needed to "talk to God" it was ME. I was the one placing unrealistic expectations on my four year old. It was me that expected her to do things that were more than any four year old should have to do. It was me being LAZY as a parent. It was ME that had failed.
But today, I feel guilt. I   feel guilt because I was so impatient, I was so unkind, I was so everything that my God asks me not to be. I was not a "good and faithful servant", nor did I "treat others the way I wanted to be treated". Why? I do not know. I struggle with this often. I want so badly to be the calm and collected Mama, yet I yell at my innocent children. I want so badly to have it all together, to not feel rushed, and to love every minute with my kiddos, but then I find myself finding ways to spend time away from them or to fill our lives with so much to do that I am forced to rush rush rush.  The reality of it all is I am not always patient, I am not always kind, I am not always perfect... and neither are my children. Instead, we are ALL a work in progress, forgiven of our mistakes by our never judging always faithful God. Now if I can just remember this, I can move on knowing that although yesterday was a no good, terrible, horribly awful day, TODAY is a new day with fresh new beginnings and I can CHOOSE to make it better!


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