A Heavy Heart...

You know what really sucks??? Knowing that the holiday season has come and gone, and your own mother spent it in the hospital. You know what sucks even more? That it is January 5th and said mother is STILL in the hospital. Not just any hospital but the THIRD one since she was admitted. To top it all off we STILL do not have any definitive answers as to how she is going to get better. She has pancreatitis and a dilated common bile duct. The cause of the dilated common bile duct is unknown. Finally after two weeks of talking about having a test ran, they are running it.
I have SO many emotions running through my mind...
I am SCARED. Scared that they are going to tell my mother that she has cancer.
Scared that my mother is never going to be the same.
Scared that it could be months before she can return home...
I am TIRED
Tired of trying to coordinate somebody to watch my children so that I can go to the hospital.
Tired of endless phone calls to inform the same people that we STILL have no new news...
Tired of waiting... and waiting.... and waiting... with no answers.
Tired of the guilt of not being able to be with my mother more.
Im beginning to feel like I have reached my breaking point. Im usually a pretty strong person. I can hold it all together, absorb it all and roll with the punches...
BUT, I have never been tested this hard before.
I have never had my OWN mother in the hosptial for two weeks, unable to eat or drink anything or not know what is wrong with her...
I have never had to balance two young children and multiple trips to a hospital all while trying to maintain our already normally busy lives...
It SUCKS.
I just want lfe to return to "normal". Even if "normal" means my Mama comes to live with us for awhile.
Soon. Real soon!