Today was a no good, terrible, horribly awful day...

Today was bad. I cried, I got angry, hated cancer for the upteenth thousandth time and I doubted my God. I wanted to give up, throw my hands up in the air, kick my dad's ass for being so helpless, ill and selfish and just throw in the towel. That whole saying about "when the going gets tough, the tough get going"...yeah fuck that! I wanted to be weak. But once again I realized I was the backbone for all of us, and if there was something that needed to be done, then I better get to doing it. So I did. I got my tired, exhausted, pissed off self on the phone. I called my Mom (fifteen thousand times) and demanded the truth. I gave her options... either accept help at home, or move in with me... she chose to avoid the chaos of my house and stay home, so I chose to arrange help. And help we got... She now has somebody to clean her house, meals coming for a couple of months, people over caring for her lawn and daily checks from a home health nurse... All while my dad sits on his rear and wallows in his alcoholic ways... Yeah, we will save that one for another date... Let's just pretend my Mom is there by herself, because lets face it, she may as well be.
Im not mentioning all this help for the glory of me doing something... I am just mentioning it because darn it, I learned a lesson the hard way... Having parent's getting older and being sick just plain sucks. If they say they are okay... Don't trust they are! Remember if you have the attitude that you don't want to burden somebody with your baggage, then more than likely you might just have inherited it from someone, like said parent who refuses to admit they need HELP! Keep an eye out for those Mamas and Dadddy's of yours... even if they do kinda rub you wrong... and don't trust what they are saying over the phone is the truth... Sometimes SEEING makes all the difference... unfortunately I live two hours away, so that makes things just a tad bit difficult. Especially when I might have also inherited my stubborn trait from said parent who refuses to leave her home!
Thanks for listening to the rant... today has been a doozy and for the second time tonight I am going to try and hit the hay...hopefully this time I will fall asleep =0)